OK... a couple of quick side notes before I get started. One - at some point soon, I'll do the generous thing and share some of the comedic brilliance that is Schloto-monster (it'll be a short entry, but I'll do it nonetheless). That way, nobody (besides my idiot students) feels as if they're getting slammed unfairly.
Second... I have two job interviews this week for adjunct jobs for the fall, so - 1.) wish me luck and 2.) I might not be on as much as I have a lot to do.
Anyhoo... on we go to Number 2... the case of the nice young man and the dirty, dirty filth he was reading in class.
I had a student, let's call him Tim, who was actually a good guy. Fairly bright. Lazy as hell, but those in glass houses... Tim was in my senior class, which is supposed to be "World" Literature, but more or less amounts to things I like to teach. One of which is the Ken Kesey classic
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest (and the book is infinitely better than the film). At the conclusion of the book, the class had to write an essay. As these were seniors, which means getting them to do work outside of class is roughly as difficult as getting Fatty McFatFat to put down the Little Debbie Snack Cakes, I assigned the essay to be written in class.
Now, what you need to know about Tim is that, while he's a good kid, he's also sort of infamous around school.
For burning down part of his house.
Because he lit is porn on fire to dispose of it.
Yes, he does give new meaning to the name "Porno for Pyros".
Tim, you see, has something of a problem. He likes porn. He
really likes porn. (And who doesn't? Anyone out there who has never surfed the net one handed, raise your hand. And then realize that none of us can see you in cyber space and you can quit lying).
This past year, our IT dept. at school installed a new program on our laptops that allows faculty to log on to student computers, see what they're doing, and even take control of them. So, during the essay, I logged onto various computers in the room, to make sure that nobody was plagirizing. And, lo and behold, I spied a MASSIVE amount of text on Tim's screen. Figuring he was using
Spark Notes, I zoomed in for closer look and to catch him red handed. And there was something red...
"And as I felt her hands clutch my thighs, three fingers sliding up and across my buttocks, and the soft rubber of her red clown nose rub against the sensitive underside of my...AHEM. Well... alrighty then.
I watched in amazement as Tim scrolled up, noting in my head (for moments like this) the name of his "private" reading.
Clown School Gangbang 4Tim bookmarked the story, closed out his Internet Explorer and went back to work on his essay.
He got an A. I searched and searched, but there wasn't a single mention of red clown noses rubbing the sensitive underside of anything. So I guess he didn't cheat.
Interesting side note - Tim really wasn't the stupidest student in this situation, especially as he didn't get in trouble. No, that honor would go to the rocket scientist who sat next to him. That genius
did plagarize. Word for word, punctuation mark for punctuation mark, from Cliff's Notes. When I caught him, he feigned innocence. Even got mad at me. Denied copying a thing.
"I read Cliff's Notes the night before," he said. "I must have just remembered it."
One left to go...
